it's 4pm. it could get worse...

I woke up this morning. Not in the best of moods. Fighting with myself and others, just trying to get some sleep. I can't. No sleep. Up early, no going back to sleep. Drink some coffee, and I sit and think. I try to clear my mind of craziness. But, I can't. I really can't get over the fact that A: I'm up so early, B: it's loud outside, C: fighting, D: it's still loud, with LOTS of sirens. What in the world is going on outside. I actually thought that a loved one had been in an accident because they had just stormed out of the door. But, no, not at all. Thankfully.

I look across where the lights and sounds are coming from. It hit me. We had a jumper on our hands. I instantly said out loud, "no, no way, not today." I was wrong. It was sick the way I just watched. I couldn't turn away even though my mind was crying, my eyes started as well. Not because I knew this person. But, here I am fighting about stupid things and acting as if everything in my life is shattering like a mirror that just dropped off your bathroom counter. Great, bad luck! Here I am with another 7 years of bad luck.

This person that decided to take their life, had some bad luck. What goes through the mind of someone so sad/angry? Do they think of their family, friends, and/or others around their actions? I guess once you get that far, that high, you have no choice. No chance to reflect on your life, no chance to ask yourself if this is really the best idea.

It makes me sad. So sad, that I called my mom. She knew right away something was wrong. Calling so early, and the sound of my voice. I instantly cried, harder, when I heard her voice. I told her what had happened. She gave me a talk, a talk about life, and where I live, and how I might have to just except that this is what people do to take care of their problems. I told her I loved her and to have a nice day. I don't know who could have a nice day after that. But, I'm sure she will. Knowing her daughter is so sensitive and knows no matter how bad things could get, her mom is always there for her. I'm sure she hung up the phone and was happy to hear her daughters voice and not a police officer to tell her that her child had taken their life. I'm pretty sure she was happy to know that, she would not have to identify a cold, beat up, sad looking sack of body parts, that once looked so beautiful that came from her, now looks nothing like anything.
I am sad, I am sad that someone out there has to go through all that. I feel as though I am a little lucky.

I take my mind off that, and back to my life. I just wanted to go for a ride. I take the dog out. Vinny loves the car. He likes to sit up and put his face out of the window. He is so cute. I love him. I guess Vinny was having a bad morning as well. He threw up. All over my car, and pissed. I felt so bad for him. Puking is not my favorite. And his sad little face he gave me. I cried. I just held him, and told him it would be ok. I tried to not get upset that I had to pick up chunks of doggie food between my seat. Once again, I am happy to touch chewed up barf rather than splattered sad body.

So, we cleaned up our mess. I came home and put him in bed. He is resting. He is still the cutest thing ever. Sick and all. He started to drink some water, and eat a little. I think he is feeling better. Maybe he was overwhelmed with how the morning started out.

I don't ever want to start like that again. I won't. I will not put myself through that, nor my cute little Vinny. We deserve much better.

I have to work today. Like my title, it's only 4pm, it could get worse. Well, I will say a little prayer, to whoever it is, that might be watching me. Hopefully I will be ok, and this night will just turn around and get better. I will be positive. It will get better. Then again, I do get to work with people I enjoy. And, the money is not so bad.

Thank Goodness It's Friday.